Clumsy
by arsenicapples
Summary: James Potter has had an insufferable crush on Lily Evans since day one but unfortunately for him his immaturity only drove her away. Now, seventh year has come around and it looks like to Lily that their roles have been flipped. Can Lily accept her feelings and get James back? And did James ever really lose his feelings for her?
1. Chapter 1

"And he's done it! James Potter of Gryffindor house has caught the golden snitch! Gryffindor wins, 340 to 260." Hovering two hundred feet in the air James grinned, winning smile still as present as ever. The snitch was clutched in his hand, punching the air above him with his usual gusto. Lily clapped with the best of them, grinning as well. He was a winner if there ever was one. She was strangely proud of James. He had matured in so many ways over the summer. He was kinder than before, and he didn't use his power to abuse anybody, not even Snape. It was a massive step forward from where he had been just months ago, when she had caught him teasing Severus mercilessly once again. The change over the summer was drastic, and she hadn't quite believed it at first.

Beside her, Samantha Wood clapped enthusiastically. She had been a devoted Potter fan since day one, despite Lily's disapproval. "He looks good, Lil," Samantha said slyly. Bummer he's not into you anymore." Sam had not been the first person to point out to her that James had matured in another way as well. With the decrease in the size of his head had apparently come an increase in everything else. He had shot up again in height, and now towered over her. He was at least six feet three now, and his arms and chest had bulked up massively. And his jawline... dear god his jawline could cut diamond. If she hadn't known better she'd have thought him to be working out. But James wasn't that kind of person, at least, the James she knew hadn't been.

He descended slowly, teammates strangling him in a monster hug. "You aren't interested right, Lil? I can go for it if Ted decides he's too good for me?"

"Sure, Sam." Lily said distractedly. Down below, she saw James hand the snitch to a beaming Madam Hooch. Raucous applause still filled the Stadium and the winning team slowly left the pitch. The sound of hundreds of students leaving the stadium erupted into the air as everybody made their way towards the staircases. "Well, they played amazingly." Lily said jovially as they walked down the stairs from the box. "Did you expect otherwise?" Sam laughed. "Of course not, but they still manage to surprise me every time." One player in particular, Lily thought.

"Ted played so well!" Sam beamed over at Lily, radiating pure joy. Lily laughed, grinning. Sam's on again off again boyfriend was the Gryffindor goal keeper, and while he may not be the best or the brightest, if there was one thing he could do well it was save goals. Lily allowed Sam to continue gushing about Ted all the way back to the common room, until Sam finally tired of it. She wasn't the only one with a quidditch player on her mind.

* * *

James was still smiling hours later, reliving every moment of the game in his mind's eye. The transfiguration paper could wait, he just wanted to see the beaming faces of the crowd as he caught the snitch one last time before he had to resume writing. The tiny fluttering ball had not eluded him this time, not that it had any other time. He could remember every single quidditch match he had played in, especially those that he had won. He closed his eyes, watched his fingers extend out, out, out... and snatch the snitch straight out of the sky. Then he remembered the paper. James shook the image of the snitch from his head and ran his hand through his hair instead. It was late, the paper was due tomorrow first period, and he couldn't afford to turn in another assignment late. The book he had been using was no good, plus he knew most of the process of becoming an animagus already. He could almost be considered an expert on the topic. He stood abruptly and closed the book he was holding. The candles were burning low, casting a low, heavy light over the library. Amazingly, it seemed as though Madam Pince was no longer present. And here he thought that she lived at the library.

He strode over to the bookshelves, turned a corner, and ran right into a sleeping Lily Evans. James froze. His book slipped through his hands. It landed, quite unfortunately, on Lily. Springing up with the reflexes of a cat, Lily looked around as though expecting an attack. She turned and barely stifled a scream. "Agh! Oh, hi, Potter. You played well today." Several awkward seconds passed in which James thought. "Yeah, Thank you." He leaned against the shelf nonchalantly. "I haven't seen you much recently Evans. How've you been?" Lily gave him a funny look. It wasn't like him to make small talk. He was usually an astoundingly direct person. "I'm well, thank you. And yourself?"

"Good. Great. All's in order." James cursed himself. "I've got to put this back so I'll just, um, go." James shuffled past Evans, then made a mad dash for the end of the aisle. His heart was beating ten times faster than usual, and he couldn't understand why. He'd spoken to Lily dozens of times in the past. He'd asked her out, joked around with her, teased her even. But something had changed, and he was afraid to really ask himself what that was. In the row nextdoor, Lily glanced around embarrassedly. She stared at the point where James had vanished. It was unheard of for James to be so clumsy and awkward. She hadn't seem him drop anything before. Was something wrong? Had Sirius written him off? Good lord, was James Potter being bullied? That was not the James she had seen on the field today. She snapped herself out of her train of thought, straightened her shirt, finger combed her hair, and headed out of the library. She had had enough surprises for today. James waited for Lily to leave before letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. She didn't understand what she did to him. She never had. He presence distracted him, it had for years. Now however, not only did she distract him but she physically changed something in him. He had told himself he would act normal. Told himself that he wouldn't do to her this year what he had for the last three years, but he hadn't realize the cost this would come at. He shook his head, grabbed his paper, and headed for the door. He would have to turn in a late paper after all.

* * *

It was several weeks before James ran into Lily again. Lily was dozing off by the fire when the creaking of the fat lady swinging open awoke her. Frozen in her overstuffed armchair, Lily waited for voices to tell her who had just entered. It was most likely Samantha, who she knew had had a rendezvous with Ted tonight in bell tower. "Sam?" She whispered into the blackness. The shuffling stopped. "It's Lily. Where are you?" She firelight was far too dim for her to see anything. Whipping out her wand, Lily whispered "Lumos." As her wand tip flared, light was shed across the common room, illuminating the frozen figure of James Potter. Lily's heart beat a little faster. Stifling a giggle at his horrified expression, Lily stood and walked over.

"I should have known. What were you doing out so late, Potter?"

"Um... I had to–"

"Spare me your lies, Potter. I – hold on. Is that a leaf?" She reached up and pulled several twigs from the boy's hair. "Now why on earth," She looked up at him and suddenly became aware of exactly how close she was to him. "Would you have this in your hair?" James took a step back from her and looked away. "Quidditch practice," he murmured. "At this hour? In the forbidden forest?" James looked into her eyes for the first time. "Yep." Lily rolled her eyes at his stupidity. "Sometimes, Potter, I question your judgement."

He strode past her, debris trailing in his wake. "Sam probably won't be back til later." he said quietly. "Her and Ted sounded pretty busy to me when I passed the broom cupboard a few minutes ago." Lily laughed, and he grinned back earnestly. "You know, you're prettiest when you laugh. You should... You should laugh more." A silence followed. "Anyway, I'll catch you later Evans." Lily watched him go curiously. She liked this new James. His sincerity was a refreshing change from the dramatic boy she knew. He was truly becoming a man. She watched him walk up the staircase and out of view before responding. "I'll see you, Potter."

* * *

"Mr. Potter. If you do not think that paying attention in my class is mandatory, would you kindly perform the transfiguration I have been teaching about for the past twenty minutes?" James stopped trying to make Anthony Parker's quill write profanities on his paper and started paying attention. "Of course professor. Which spell was that?" A couple girls in the corner giggled and James grinned nonchalantly, flipping his wand through the air and catching it. "The Animagus Reversal Spell Mr. Potter. And you will be performing it..." Professor McGonagall paused for effect and James tensed his muscles, ready to spring for the door in case what he thought was coming was coming. "On me." the Professor finished.

Sirius laughed quietly beside James, who let out a sigh of relief. "Of course, Professor." As McGonagall transformed into her cat animagus, James let out a sigh of relief. "Formam Mutatio!" A bright blue light emanated from his wand, shooting at the cat. As if in slow motion, he locked eyes with Lily for just a moment, long enough to see the laughter in her eyes. Seconds later, Samantha Wood let out an earsplitting shriek. Professor McGonagall had not transformed. James stared down in horror at the dead cat lying at his feet. He looked up and stared at Lily, who was looking at him with a kind of mutated horror on her face, as though he was a particularly disgusting piece of meat. And James Potter ran.


	2. Chapter 2

It took several weeks before Minerva McGonagall could speak again, and when she did, the first word she uttered was dooming. "Potter." Several weeks after that, she could be seen stalking the corridors, searching for the boy. To his credit, James owned up to his mistake. He had a bouquet of flowers sent to her bedside, along with chocolates and a muggle card that only sang I'm Your Boogie Man, and he only sent one toy mouse rather than the eight that he had wanted to send.

He could not deny, however, that he had made a horrible, terrible mistake. Formam mutatio wasn't even a very difficult spell! People could be heard whispering. He messed up because of his panic attacks, some people said. He can't handle the strain of seventh year. Lily didn't believe any of it. Since the incident in the Transfiguration class Lily had been blatantly avoiding Potter, and she couldn't say he didn't seem glad.

His distance annoyed her, for more reasons than one. Firstly, nobody could swing their attitude so much over the course of 2 months. Especially since it was mostly only his attitude towards her that had changed. Secondly, he no longer seemed to be interested in her romantically in any way, both a relief and a disappointment. He wasn't quite as much of an arrogant twerp as he had been before. He was almost... kind.

But she didn't like him. The idea was absurd. She couldn't possibly – "Lil!" Lily whipped her head around so fast her neck cricked horribly. "Yeah Sam?" Moments later Sam came barrelling through the door and flung herself onto Lily's bed. Lily rubbed her neck, sliding away from the rainy windowsill she had been perched on and onto the bed next to her friend. "What's wrong Sam? Why are you upset?" Sam could only heave wet sobs – Lily made a mental note to get her sheets washed – and gasp for air. "Ted," Sam cried out finally. "He... he..." Lily stiffened suddenly. If Ted was involved things could be serious. "What did he do? Sam if he hurt you I'm not going to let it go."

"It's not that." Samantha finally picked her head up from the covers. Lily winced. Black lines ran along Sam's cheeks, remnants of a once beautiful eyeliner. "Let me get you some water Sam. Now tell me everything." Sam curled up in Lily's sheets as Lily stood to bring Sam a cool glass of water. "After Lunch he asked me to walk with him. We went up to the bell tower and I thought it would be, you know, business as usual." Sam hiccupped abruptly. "The water will help with that," Lily said lightly. Sam took several small sips before continuing. "Anyway, I thought we were just going to hook up like we usually did but instead he told me that he... that he was sick of me." She broke down into tears again, voice cracking under pressure. "And he said that I was still a child and he didn't want to be seen with me anymore. And that it was over. For good." Her voice cracked again on the last word, and she was down for the count once more. "Oh, Sammy... I'm so sorry. That was terribly mean what he said."

Lily patted her on the back consolingly and pondered what way would be best to skin Ted Hoover. The obnoxious tout had been playing Samantha for far too long. "Sam, he wasn't good for you anyway. You know he's a player. He always has been." It was true. Before Ted asked Sam out he had approached Lily, several times in fact. James had managed to steer him away, for which Lily was secretly relieved. But then he had glommed onto Sam, who fell head over heels. Lily had never told Sam what Ted had done, and she never planned to.

"I know. I just thought I could change him. I thought I _should_ change him. But, of course, he won out in the end. According to him I 'managed to waste a year of his life' though, so that's a bonus." Lily laughed loudly, and Sam joined in with a small giggle. "Look on the bright side, now I can use those chocolate love cauldrons on somebody." Lily grinned. "Somebody like Sirius Black?" Sam blushed pink. "Maybe..." Lily decided not to tell Sam that last she heard, Sirius Black was dating somebody. And that he was very, very much in love.

"Well, you have the rest of today to recover at least. Tomorrow it's back to work for us."

"Yes, I suppose so." Sam sighed wearily. "But let me tell you something, Lil. Boys are simply awful. Don't you ever get involved with them." Lily grinned at Sam. "Well I can't promise anything, Sam, but I'll do my best. And when did you get a love potion?"

"It's a long story." Lily grinned. "I have time. Or at least, two hours. Is that enough?"

"Plenty."

* * *

Rain lashed at James' face, his overly long hair plastered to his forehead and glasses, obscuring his vision and frustrating him more than he'd like to admit. He was very touchy about his hair. He refused to let Sirius cut it again after the devastating attempt made last year. His poor, beautiful hair... Thoughts of Lily invaded his head. _Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool..._

"Potter for the love of Merlin, pay attention!" A bludger flew inches past his nose and James snapped back into the moment. "Sorry, Cap." The practice was a waste, but he wasn't one to complain about getting to spend time on a broom. He couldn't see anybody or anything. All he knew was which way was up and which way was down. Something flew past his nose. Again. James swore loudly, scrabbling to keep a grip on his broomstick.

Minutes passed without any contact from any other human, although he did see several poor owls fighting bravely towards the owlery. It was time to concede to nature. James aimed hs broomstick in the general direction he considered to be down. Approximately thirty seconds later, James Potter slammed into the ground, rolling from his broomstick before popping back up like bamboo in a storm.

His broomstick lay in the mud several feet away, absolutely coated in the glutinous stuff. James grinned, gazing up at the sky and laughing at the storm. He yanked his broom from the mud and took off once more. He didn't know where his teammates were. He didn't really care. All he knew was that he wanted to fly. More than anything. Well not more than anything. Not more than he wanted Lily Evans.

God, he hated pretending he didn't want her. He wanted to run his hands through her hair and hold her late at night. He wanted her face to light up when she saw him walk into a room. He wanted to push her against a wall and kiss her with everything that he had in his soul. But that wasn't what she wanted, and he had told himself no more. No more torturing her and being the overprotective boyfriend he wanted to be.

Mood spoiled slightly at this new train of thought, James pushed it from his mind and sped off across the forest, skimming the treetops. Wind and water whipped his face, but he no longer cared. He wanted to escape the only way he knew how. And so, James flew.

And he didn't come back. At least, not until an hour later. Absolutely drenched in some strange combination of sweat and rain, James landed next to the broomshed and yanked open the door and froze momentarily. "I'm going to say this as kindly as I know how." James said nonchalantly. Ian and Laura froze, looks of horror plastered upon their faces. "Get a room. Not this one." James ambled past Ian Fletchley and Laura Callaway, both defrocked in the extreme. He hung up his broom and glasses and strode towards the door, pausing to impart a word of advice. "If you've got to do... whatever it is you're doing... I heard the bell tower is now vacant." James closed the door unceremoniously behind him. He turned, heading up the winding road towards the castle.

* * *

Now that Sam was sitting safely at the dining hall table with a couple friends, Lily broke away to finally get a chance to go out into the storm. It required sneaking past Argus Filch but it was beyond worth it. Lily loved the rain. Always had, always would. The night was creeping in over the quidditch pitch, not that she could see it since the visibility was astoundingly poor. A part of Lily knew the risks that were associated with being outside in such a storm, but she deserved a chance to be brash, in her opinion. It had been ages since she felt so invigorated.

School and Sam and her parents had gotten stuck in her head, not to mention James. He was still infuriating her (even if he did not know it), and even if it was for a wholly different reason than before. She couldn't help but be drawn to him, and she despised herself for it. She refused to believe that she was one of those girls, who fell all over James for his good looks, new found morality, playful joking, or his impressively toned muscles... "Boo."

A hand grabbed Lily's shoulder. Lily shrieked. It was lost in the wind. A peal of laughter followed. She spun, wand coming out. James Potter leaped back several feet, hands up. "Oh my... Potter don't do that ever again!"

He threw his head back and laughed. For a moment, time slowed. Lily took a moment to admire him. Hair blowing about his head like a halo in the wind, his face lost in that easy smile that was always waiting just below the surface to appear. She didn't know if she'd ever seen someone who laughed so easily. It was a trait she envied.

And then, the moment was over. "What're you looking at Evans? Is my hair really that bad?" Lily blushed and was instantly relieved that the storm would mask it. "It's not that." She drew a breath. "I just wasn't expecting this – You. I wasn't expecting you." Lily knew she was turning a very, very bright shade of scarlet. She had almost slipped. She wouldn't let it happen again.

James rubbed the back of his neck, then ran a hand through his damp hair. She used to think it was vanity. Now she suspected otherwise. _A nervous tick? Or has it just become habit._ "Don't you think it's a little dangerous to be outside Evans? There could be vigilantes of all sorts out here."

"Like you, James?" Lily glanced up at him through the rain, giving him a coy smile. James wasn't sure if he had ever heard her call him by his first name. Suddenly it almost seemed as if the rain mellowed, just for the two of them. They stood inches apart, although the height differential was large. "Exactly like me. You have no idea the kind of trouble I could get you into." Lily's heart panged for her to do something. Reach out for his hand, or run a hand through his mane of hair. "Enlighten me James." She felt him shift slowly, leaning down and forward, close to her. "Unless Laura and Ian have taken up residence, the bell tower is open..." He murmured.

A gust of wind blew past Lily, she stumbled, and the moment seemed as though it was over. Again, James' hand pushed his damp hair back and stepped away. "Sam might want that position back, maybe we should leave it vacant," Lily suggested. "Yeah," James said coolly. "maybe we should."

"I should be getting back. I have some Arithmetic homework."

"Alright. I'll see you, Evans." Lily headed for the door. "Bye Potter."


End file.
